I’m always excited when I get to announce a new artist signing with DFTBA. But today’s announcement is particularly exciting. Starting today, DFTBA Records will be teaming up with the Harry Potter Alliance to become the exclusive online merchandise outlet for the HPA.
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out and I still got half a pie left.
Are You Taking A Video?
This year at E3 during the Xbox panel during a scripted “trash talk” bit someone made a scripted rape joke (male gamer to girl gamer who sucks at a game: “just wait, it’ll all be over soon.”) and then they acted like it wasn’t a big deal and then they released an expensive, anti-consumer (DRM on physical games) piece of hardware. And then Sony just released the PS4 which is just the PS3 but better graphics and $100 cheaper than the Xbox. So THAT happened.
But then Nintendo just quietly released a bunch of great looking sequels for all of it’s major franchises (Mario, Pikmin, Donkey Kong, and Smash Bros.) and every single one of those games interestingly features playable female characters who haven’t been seen in decades like Dixie Kong and Princess Peach - and Pikmin now has a new female hero.
One of my favorite things about Peach in the new Mario game is that one of the power ups is a literal “cat suit” and Peach’s “cat suit” doesn’t sexualize her at ALL. You can’t even see her boobs. She just looks like she’s wearing over-sized footie pajamas it’s so cute. Also they added a pink letter to the Mario logo just to accommodate Peach’s re-inclusion into the franchise as a character with actual agency!
So at the end of the presentation they tell you to go to the Smash Bros website to find out about new characters. And then they announced this character, Wii Fit Trainer, on the site. And in an interview the director said he gets thousands of requests for almost every video game character under the sun and he’s gotten absolutely zero requests for this character and he put her in the game to be funny and defy fan expectation. This character is literally “hey fuck you we’re the ones making the games around here, and we’ll be goofy and funny if we want to and also check it out another female character in Smash.”
Also the inclusion of the Animal Crossing villager is interesting because Animal Crossing is VERY popular with girls and even though the villager is male I’m 100% certain his alternate costumes will include the girl default villager character. So that’s neat. The three Smash characters they announced were two girl(ish) characters from two girl(ish) games and then Mega Man.
Also in the new Animal Crossing game boys are allowed to cross dress and all of the animals are explicitly genderqueer in the dialog. Characters say stuff like “Boys can ware make up if they want to, I mean, it’s 2013, who cares?” and just today a jock rhino was looking deeply into my eyes and asking me to hike a football and I asked him if he loved me (which was one of the option out of other options about sports) and he was like “Oh I guess a lot can happen when you look into someone else’s eyes like that, huh?” He didn’t even care that we’re both guys. Also in the new Pokemon game you can be black.
Basically what I’m saying is Nintendo is quietly and systematically making their games more socially progressive and Microsoft made a rape joke and then said “what? it was a joke.”
Let’s sum this up.
Microsoft Xbox: Assholes. In every way.
Sony Playstation: No hard-set values on social issues. Care about consumers’ wants, needs, and financial situations.
Nintendo: Progressive on social issues. Care about what consumers want and what they can spend.
If only Nintendo didn’t just put a kibosh on uploading to YouTube with monetization, they’d be so clearly on top. Right now, though, I dig Sony just as much as Nintendo. Nice work.
Xbox can eat shit… and stuff. Get your acts together, assholes.
John and I were talking yesterday and we realized that, though we have a somewhat distinct and ever-changing image of what Nerdfighteria is and who it is composed of, we aren’t precisely sure whether or not that image is correct.
Basically, there are a lot of things we…
I just filled this out. If I’m being honest, I just used it as another way to try to get the bros to really check out 365Nerds. Um… everyone should do that, too.
I met Lindsey three years ago when she asked me if I wanted to be on a panel for her class. It was a panel about human sexuality and I was to be the one representing straight men so…not the most interesting perspective.
After the class was over I asked her if she’d ever thought about making videos and she was like “uhhhh…noooo?” And that’s as far as it went. Then a few months ago, with the University in the throes of budget cuts Lindsey wrote to me saying that she felt like she wasn’t reaching enough students and wasn’t even sure if the University was going to let her keep reaching the students she already had.
And so we started sketching out Sexplanations. The first episode is online now, you can watch it above. Lindsey is sweet and weird and smart and funny. She’s an amazing listener and a caring provider of education, advice, and health care. I’m really excited to be working with her on this new project.
help, i can’t stop laughing
i think chef ramsay would absolutely lose his shit in a good way at the spongebob one. oh god. so funny.
(Photo: NBC Nightly News)
Eesha Khare, the 18-year-old winner of the Intel Young Scientist Award, earned $50,000 for her breakthrough research. Her innovative charging device can fit inside a cell phone and fully charge the phone in about 20 seconds.
You go :)
Simply amazing. If it can be made in a cost-effective way, all cell phone manufacturers NEED to buy this! Either that, or they’ll find that their chargers stop selling altogether.